The Laws of Connection

April 8, 2024
“Social connection is one of the most important predictors of physical and mental health,” yet “few of us are getting enough of it,” according to this persuasive study from science writer Robson (The Intelligence Trap). Explaining how these health benefits arise, Robson notes that social connections form when two people establish a “shared reality” where each believes the other ”thinks and feels and interprets in broadly the same way as us.” He goes on to suggest that a “sense of being understood by others—and understanding them in return” underlies “the link between social connection and health.” With this theory as a springboard, Robson provides advice for strengthening one’s social network by bonding over “the... ways that your thoughts and feelings coincide” rather than superficial similarities. He also encourages readers to trust that others, “on average, will like you as much as you like them,” and maintain civility in moments of disagreement by displaying genuine interest in the other person’s viewpoint. Robson skillfully traces the benefits of social connection down to their psychological and neuroscientific roots without getting too mired in the science, and concludes chapters with specific “action points,” such as asking “why questions—which encourage broader insights—rather than how questions” in moments of conflict. Those struggling to reestablish social bonds in the wake of the pandemic will find Robson’s insights especially valuable.